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Old July 30th, 2009, 07:04 AM
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Retrospective (Conclusion)

By Richard Jasper

Not long after our first anniversary, David and I went underground -- literally!

It had become increasingly clear that the military and the DHS types were unnerved by the prospect of two giant hulks living a luxurious life on the California coast.

They came to visit, more than once.

"What are you taking?" they asked.

"We want samples," they declared.

Fame, of course, is a double-edged sword. They couldn't actually disappear a billionaire with many high priced Los Angeles attorneys at his beck and call. They couldn't actually kidnap us and take us to a secret facility and open us up.

But they could -- and did -- makes our lives uncomfortable and unpleasant.

So I bought the valley in Idaho, the one with the leftover, empty missile silo, and we built underground. Think "Blast from the Past" meets "Hercules Unchained," or something.

That was a long time ago.

A really long time ago.

Since then, global warming has come and gone.

The first woman president has come and gone.

The first Asian American Jewish transgender lesbian president has come and gone.

The Nik Nik, those three-legged beasties from Rigel VII, have come and gone.

Fifty years, in fact, have come and gone.

David and I have stayed in our hole (well, in each others, too, but that's a different story!)

We're, like, BIG now! (I know, I know, as if we weren't before.)

And, as expected, David is even bigger than I am, although not as much bigger as we thought he might be.

I celebrated my 100th birthday yesterday.

I still look like I'm about 30, he tells me.

Frankly, I think I look like a very hairy, pale version of the Incredible Hulk, or what I recall of the comic book version. I know for sure Lou Ferrigno was never my size, namely:

7 feet tall

1,000 lbs. of solid muscle

200 inch chest

80 inch biceps

100 inch waist

100 inch quads

My shoulders are, literally, 10 feet across. It's just as well we put in the extra tall ceilings and the extra wide doors.

Oh, yeah, and:

The muscle that's not a muscle:

24 inches long, 16 inches around

It's a two-hander in both directions, even with my giant hands.

As for David...

Well, I've always told people I was really just a shy, delicate flower. Next to him, it seems true:

7 feet 6 inches tall

1,500 lbs.

Everything else is half again as big, too (except for his waist):

300 inch chest

130 inch waist

110 inch biceps

150 inch quads

And shoulders that are 15 feet from side to side, which makes him exactly twice as wide as he is tall.

He IS prone to complain about his dick, which is "only" (as he says) 30 inches long, just 25% longer than mine, not 50%. I point out that at 90 inches he's "only" 6 inches taller than I am, in other words, he should quit his bitching!

Coupling, as you might imagine...

Well, no, I guess you probably really CAN'T imagine, can you?

It's kinda like trying to dock the QM2 with the International Space Station IV (a gift, as you will recall, from the Nik Nik), i.e., something that really isn't supposed to happen, so consequently something that has to occur in a very deliberate, coordinated fashion, else something is likely to get crushed or mangled.

At this point we've done it enough that we do it FAST, as well as deliberately. And once we discovered the salt mine, we determined that we could play as rough as we wanted. Sure, we show up on the USGS monitors, but they know we're there, and the few tunnel collapses that have occurred, well, those Nik Nik arbeiters we purchased a while back put things back right, lickety split.

We keep thinking we'll see other guys like us. Even after the Great Exodus, there are still a couple of billion people on the planet, and muscle is all the fashion (which isn't too surprising considering the human population is now about 30% gay / lesbian.) There are plenty of huge men out there but they're only incrementally bigger than their fathers and grandfathers from the early part of the 21st century.

"Sometimes..." David said recently.

"I know," I answered.

"Know what?" he countered.

"You want to go outside," I replied.

He grunted.

"I don't blame you," I continued. "That new guy, Frank McKenzie, is freakin' hot."

David laughed.

"Nobody says 'freakin' any more, old man!"

I grinned.

"But he IS, isn't he?"

David scratched the foot deep cleavage between his mammoth pecs, something he really shouldn't be able to do, except that over time our anatomies have shifted in ways that allow us to remain functional, despite our vast bulk.

"Yeah," he allowed, finally. "For a little feller, he's freekin' hot."

McKenzie, the most recent King of Bodybuilding, is 6 feet 6 inches tall and 600 lbs., the biggest many to ever win the Coleman Crown. In other words, he's pretty much a dwarf compared to David.

"Little or no..."

The look on his face tells me that David has something OTHER than going outside on his mind.

I press the stud that calls the freight elevator.

It's time to rumble.


Last edited by arpeejay; July 30th, 2009 at 10:10 AM.
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  #2   Add to Mad Dog's Reputation   Report Post  
Old July 30th, 2009, 09:18 AM
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Wooo! Thanks for the ending! :3
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Old July 30th, 2009, 01:00 PM
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Nicely done.

I enjoyed your very fine ending, especially some of your prognostications - particularly, "The first Asian American Jewish transgender lesbian president has come and gone." Also enjoyed the roughhousing in the salt mine and the USGS knowing what's going on! Keep up the great writing and keep tapping that great fantasy reservoir of yours.
--It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change. Charles Darwin
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